More Than Words

Having gone on a real first date we would normally come to the part of our story where I face, yet again, that crucible of relationships: the kiss. But much to Tim’s chagrin, that wasn’t happening. As you now know, my past experiences (read: disappointments) were almost enough to keep me from any future attempts at titillating tongue wrestling; but there was an even greater force behind my reservations than just past failures.

There was no question that I was completely in love with Tim. I envisioned us holding hands, hugging, and kissing, all those things that couples were supposed to do; but when we were together –screeeeeech –it was like a mental slamming of the brakes. No matter how much I wanted to grab that boy and lay one on him, I couldn’t do it.

In the year and a few months prior to meeting the man of my dreams, my ideology of love and relationships had taken some hefty blows. First, was the devastation brought on by learning that the couple I admired most in the world had fallen prey to the web of adultery. This was followed shortly by news that someone very close to me had become pregnant and decided to abort her unborn child. My wonderfully naïve ideals about sex and intimacy were suddenly challenged by reality in a fallen world. I became fearfully convinced that physical affection of any kind between the opposite sexes was a slippery slope doomed to end in a puddle of immorality and heartache.

So, for four months Tim endured a girlfriend who showered him with love letters, words of affirmation, and romantic prose all the while keeping him at arm’s length. Poor sweet boy.

Oh, wait, did I say endured? What I meant was…dumped. Dumped twice to be exact. Come on, I admit my part in over correcting based on other people’s actions but I’m not letting him off the hook that easy. The boy actually bought and played for me the cassette single of the song “More Than Words” by Extreme. If you aren’t familiar with it, let’s just say it’s the melodically veiled, 80’s rock ballad version of “put out or get out.”

(I must interject here and say that this is why Tim was reluctant about my writing of this story. “You’re going to make me look like a jerk.” “Oh honey” I assured him, “I’m not going to make you look like anything. We’ll just let history speak for itself.” ;-))

Our first break up lasted only a week. The second lasted almost a month and came out of nowhere. It was a Sunday, Tim’s senior prom was about a month off, and we’d traveled with his family to visit his Granny in North Georgia. Unbeknownst to me, Tim had decided that this trip would be the ultimate test of our relationship. Either he was going to get open affection from me or I was going to get kicked to the curb. I thought it had been a pleasant trip. At least as pleasant as being an outsider to a family gathering can be.

He drove me home later that night and we went inside to chat with my parents for a few minutes. My dad, ever the kidder, jabbed at Tim by saying, “Man, I wish you would break up with her before the prom so I don’t have to buy some expensive dress.” Ha. Ha. Chuckles all around. I walked him out to the front porch and he proceeded to dump me. I couldn’t believe it and my dad was even more dumbfounded. “What’s wrong with that boy? I was just joking!”

I was destroyed. I hardly ate. And I slept a lot because it was the only time I didn’t feel like I’d been punched in the stomach. I still believed we were meant to be together, I just couldn’t understand why God hadn’t let Tim in on the picture yet. Friends tried to perk me up but I couldn’t seem to shake the blues. I remember having a friend, Jeff, over to watch a movie. I slept through most of it and when I walked him out later that night he said, “You were smiling in your sleep. It’s the first time you’ve smiled in days.” Yep, it was that bad.

Then one afternoon I got a call with a familiar voice on the other end. It was Johnny. He’d heard about the break up and wanted to take me out. No strings attached. Just a fun night with a friend to take my mind off of Tim. He definitely had his work cut out for him.