Since we were back together, Tim immediately called up the ex and informed her that he had made a terrible mistake and would not be able to take her to the prom because he could not imagine spending that night apart from the woman he truly loved. That is how it would have played out if it had been up to me. Tim, on the other hand, couldn’t seem to find the resolve necessary to cancel the date so close to the event. Yes, the boy had basically pledged the rest of his life to me but the next twenty four hours? Not so much. So, despite being overwhelmed with jealousy, I dealt with it and we moved past it. Well, almost. Here’s what actually happened.
I tried to keep myself busy that Saturday but it was impossible not to imagine where they were and what they were doing. I trusted Tim. Completely. It was the “funny” girl I had no confidence in. I had always gotten the vibe that she would gladly rekindle their old flame if given the right opportunity. Now, here they were spending twelve uninterrupted hours together.
After tossing and turning all night, I showered and headed to church. When the service ended, I made my way back to the car and there on the hood was a bouquet of flowers and a card from Tim. He told me that he had missed me and thought of me the whole night; how it just wasn’t the same without me. Picturing him miserably “going through the motions” of the night brought me a great deal of satisfaction. Idiot.
Just for a second, let’s fast forward this story oh, about 6 years. Tim and I are living in Milledgeville, GA where he is a Music/Youth minister and we are nearing our 4th wedding anniversary. While visiting with his parents one afternoon, we begin rummaging through drawers of old photos; laughing and reminiscing. Then, I stumbled across a pack of pictures with no label. I opened it up and there staring back at me was a picture of Tim and that girl kissing square on the lips. I was stunned followed immediately by ticked off.
“What is this?” I hissed while shoving the picture in his face.
“What? It was the prom…like…forever ago. Why are you so mad?” he asked in dismay over my reaction.
“Because all these years you had me believing that you were miserable. That you hardly had any fun all night because you missed me so much. Were you missing me when this shot was taken? I don’t think so.” I knew how ridiculous it was but I felt totally betrayed. “You didn’t leave flowers on my car because you loved me. You did it because you felt guilty!”
He tried to bring me back to reality. “In my own defense, can I just state the obvious? I married YOU!”
Sigh. I can laugh about it now but seriously, it took me several hours to get over the shock of it all. And the fact that we were married in some ways made it even harder. I wasn’t just looking at my high school sweetheart kissing his ex-girlfriend. I was seeing my husband kissing another woman. Convoluted as it was, it broke my heart.
But don’t worry; I’m not still bitter about it. ;-)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Missing You
It was Thursday. Prom would be on Saturday. Counting down the days to a prom that you aren’t attending is annoying. Counting down the days to a prom that your ex-boyfriend is taking his previous ex-girlfriend to is excruciating.
I don’t recall what prompted the conversation between Tim and I after school that day. I’ve always just assumed that “playing hard to get” (even unintentionally) worked. Within a few short minutes we were laughing together.
“I’ve missed you” he said. “Maybe I could come by and we could hang out or something.”
“Yeah. Okay.” I replied casually; stifling the part of me that wanted to scream with excitement.
He stopped by that very night. We decided to go for a walk and have a late picnic at a small lake near my house. We brought along a few candles and a blanket where we spread out to eat along the bank of the water. We munched and chatted easily and before we knew it, it was dark. We moved from the grass to a large boulder and sat watching the night’s sky reflected in the pond. It was a perfect evening and a perfectly clear sky chock full of stars. Tim repositioned himself so that we were facing each other.
“I’ve really missed this. Just sitting with you and talking to you.” His voice was sincere but with a hint of frustration, like he was confused by his own emotions. “I have never had to work this hard in a relationship and I don’t know what that means. But I like you. I…love you, everything about you.” Again, he seemed as much irritated by the fact as he was passionate about it.
Looking down, he caressed my fingers and took a deep breath. “I know you have a lot to work through but I really want to see where this goes.” His eyes lifted. “I can see spending the rest of my life with you.”
Whoa. Tim was finally saying what I had known all along. There was only one thing left to do. After four months of fighting off vulnerability, I had to quit fighting. He leaned closer and our lips touched ever so softly. Then, seeing that I wasn’t going to resist, he pressed in firmly and fully. I could feel the warmth of his mouth and my toes curled in my shoes. My skin tingled from my scalp to the soles of my feet and everywhere in between. This was the kiss I'd been waiting for.
After a few minutes of reveling in each other’s affection, he snuggled in behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. We sat quietly staring up into the night. Suddenly, a star shot across the sky. “Did you see that?!” We asked at the same time.
“I think we’re supposed to make a wish.”
“I know what I’m wishing for” he said.
I smiled. “Me, too.”
I don’t recall what prompted the conversation between Tim and I after school that day. I’ve always just assumed that “playing hard to get” (even unintentionally) worked. Within a few short minutes we were laughing together.
“I’ve missed you” he said. “Maybe I could come by and we could hang out or something.”
“Yeah. Okay.” I replied casually; stifling the part of me that wanted to scream with excitement.
He stopped by that very night. We decided to go for a walk and have a late picnic at a small lake near my house. We brought along a few candles and a blanket where we spread out to eat along the bank of the water. We munched and chatted easily and before we knew it, it was dark. We moved from the grass to a large boulder and sat watching the night’s sky reflected in the pond. It was a perfect evening and a perfectly clear sky chock full of stars. Tim repositioned himself so that we were facing each other.
“I’ve really missed this. Just sitting with you and talking to you.” His voice was sincere but with a hint of frustration, like he was confused by his own emotions. “I have never had to work this hard in a relationship and I don’t know what that means. But I like you. I…love you, everything about you.” Again, he seemed as much irritated by the fact as he was passionate about it.
Looking down, he caressed my fingers and took a deep breath. “I know you have a lot to work through but I really want to see where this goes.” His eyes lifted. “I can see spending the rest of my life with you.”
Whoa. Tim was finally saying what I had known all along. There was only one thing left to do. After four months of fighting off vulnerability, I had to quit fighting. He leaned closer and our lips touched ever so softly. Then, seeing that I wasn’t going to resist, he pressed in firmly and fully. I could feel the warmth of his mouth and my toes curled in my shoes. My skin tingled from my scalp to the soles of my feet and everywhere in between. This was the kiss I'd been waiting for.
After a few minutes of reveling in each other’s affection, he snuggled in behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. We sat quietly staring up into the night. Suddenly, a star shot across the sky. “Did you see that?!” We asked at the same time.
“I think we’re supposed to make a wish.”
“I know what I’m wishing for” he said.
I smiled. “Me, too.”
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